A Lengthy Reboot

By Richard Hsu
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No Tea

I will tell you two ways to avoid making tea.

When you do not want tea

Unwanted guests come by and spoil your Saturday afternoon nap. Everyone settles around the kitchen table and starts gossiping. Then one of the guests asks, "Can you please make some tea?"

You don't want to make tea; you don't even want them in your house at this time!

So, this is what you do:

Ask the guests one by one "I don't want tea; do you want tea?"

Very important: Don't start with the annoying tea requester. She goes last. Hopefully, if you get many "No" by the time you get to her, and if she has an iota of decency, she will say: "Leave it, no point making it just for me."

When you want tea

This situation doesn't involve guests. You want tea, but don't want to make it. You want someone else in the house to make it, but you don't want to ask (how will you face yourself in the mirror?)

For this to work, timing and distance are the key ingredients.

You need to be further away from the stove than another person (let's call him Proxy).

When Proxy is close to the stove/pot/tea leaves container, you make a statement: "Let's have tea."

Wait and see if Proxy takes a hint. He probably won't1.

Again, timing is crucial. You can't wait too long or, he will wander away from the tea-making-zone.

If he ignores you, say: "I'll make tea, can you please boil a pot of water?". You have to say it casually, without making eye contact, while appearing to be engrossed in something (phone works well as you can indicate your busyness with continuous thumb swipes).

You can continue this by telling them to put tea leaves into the boiling water etc. but keep repeating: "I'll make it."

  1. This isn't the first time; he remembers it, but you don't.